Tuesday, May 31, 2005

This Site Isn't Affiliated With My Blog, but...

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it should be. It's Maureen gear. Those of you who are fans of me and this blog, should consider buying some of this cute stuff, and showing your support for...me. I am going to try to figure out some way to link this site, so that proceeds benefit my apostolate.

P.S. The owner of this Maureen gear website has also been accused of being Maureen Dowd. What's up with that? Just to make it clear: the owner of the gear website, Maureen Dowd and I are three separate peeps.

Read the Review of this Blog at Contemplating the Laundry


A superlative review of this blog was just posted over... here. See, people know a good thing when they see it, at least this particular blogger, anyway.

H/T Contemplating the Laundry

Monday, May 30, 2005

One Person's View of Blogs

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What's your view? Are we saving the world or just wasting a lot of people's time?
You know, it takes a lot of time and talent to search the Internet, looking for interesting news stories. You'd have to go to all those sites yourself, if I weren't slaving away, bringing the news to you. Plus, I give you commentary, too, and when you don't agree with me, I berate you into submission. Yeah!

Email of the Day

I received this dispatch today from Blessing1991. This was the only email I received today. I didn't even receive any spam or bulk mail today. National Holiday=Slow News Day.

The Word Is Out...You're Maureen Dowd...watch one of the blogs (not one you're
attacking - a
secular one) for details, soon. They're on the
case. Big fun will ensue!

Heh. This person thinks I am Maureen Dowd. Heh heh. Can't wait to sift through the million + blogs to find the one secular blog this person is talking about. Hey blogger, maybe you have time to sift through a million blogs, but I don't. I teach an advent wreath making class now.

BTW, I am not attacking anyone or any blog. I am merely making fun of "celebrity" bloggers, some of whom happen to be religious bloggers. I think there are some great blogs out there, that serve a real purpose and don't feature celebrity bloggers (one example is "After Abortion," an excellent and compassionate blog.) I am sorry, though, but people who have blogs that scream, "Support my Apostolate" or "Buy My Books About Jesus," or "I know we actually have a Pope, but I think I am right up there with him, so listen to me!" or "My Ego is the Size of a Large Third World Country!" or have opened themselves up for jokes, etc.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

A New Job To Add To the Resume

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Well, I'm going to be even busier than ever. I just got a new job in Catholic ministry: teaching an advent wreath making class. Just one more thing to add to my ever-growing resume. Oh well, no one ever said being a Catholic would be easy. At least that is what they told me in RCIA (and what I tell the new catechists in RCIA each year, too.) Don't worry, though. This blog will be updated daily, almost every day.

E-Mail of The Day

I received this email from a young man today:

Why aren’t you asking for donations? Your site is so wonderful and blesses so many people. You should be “blessed” for this. I’m a convert too, but I haven’t forgotten that God wants me to be rich. “Muzzle not the ox who treads out the grain.” Maybe you can come up with something to catch people’s attention like “You Can Support My Apostolate By Saving Big $$$$ on Monthly Bills!!! Please read more to Learn How”

Also, you and your husband need to have a speaking tour, but be sure you get a good consultant to show you how to make big money. Just think, you can make a couple grand a night talking about yourselves. But, like I said, get a consultant first. You will want to have a minimum number of attendants guaranteed, rigid rules of publicity, and of course a minimum fee. I mean things have changed since the days of St. Paul, who made tents to support himself, and St. Thomas More who refused to allow the bishops to compensate him for defending the faith against Tyndale. It takes money to explain why the church forbade the selling of indulgences.

Interesting. I wonder if there is a way to make the HTML blink on and off "Buy my new book: To Hell with Materialism."

Saturday, May 28, 2005

The Scribe?

Image hosted by Photobucket.comYou know, I've noticed that some bloggers go by a dramatic, anonymous nickname rather than a first and last name. I think my blog deserves and could use that type of gravitas. After all, I am an important blogger, and I feel my screen persona should perhaps reflect my place in humanity.
So, here are some ideas:

The Scribe
The Publisher
The Prophetess
The Editoress

I was also thinking that maybe a picture of just my profile (just shadow, of course), or maybe a picture of me hiding behind one of those convent grate things (where you can't see my face) would be kind of imposing and mysterious. Any ideas?

The Onion Lied.* People Will Probably Get Sick Now.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comWell, the evil MSM (mainstream media for those of you new to the Blogosphere) has done it again. A columnist for The Onion has erroneously reported that milk is only bad when he says so. When he says so? Can you believe this? Apparently, at Daniel Gordon's house milk expiration dates mean nothing, and he is trying to convince the rest of us of this of it.

Gordon opines as he recounts a conversation with his own

Let me see that.
Look, the expiration date is only six days ago. What could possibly go wrong in
six days? That's not even a week. Besides, you had this with your cereal
Saturday morning, and you're perfectly fine. As I remember, you had seconds.
Now you listen to me, young lady. That milk is not yellow—it's off-white.
What difference does the color make, anyway? It's not like you have eyes on the
inside of your mouth. What? Let me see. I don't smell anything. Besides, if you
drink it, you won't have to smell it anymore.
Why? Because I

I guess if the MSM tells us 2+2=5 we will be expected to gulp down that truth, too.

Now countless milk drinkers will probably just drink bad milk and get sick because of Gordon's irresponsible lies. Yes, lies. And you know what? We're going to have a bunch of barfing people on our hands, and the blame lies squarely with The Onion and Daniel Gordon. You know how zealous milk-drinkers can be. When they read this, they will be compelled to hang on to that carton of chunky milk just one-week longer. They can't be expected to know right from wrong. If they do something wrong, it is The Onion's fault, clearly.

Who is this guy's source anyway? I don't care what journalists say about protecting their sources; this cad needs to be outed.

Flush your copies of The Onion down the toilet, folks. Don't believe their lies.

* I forgot what the asterisk is for.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Open Letter to K-Lo at NRO's Corner

Dear Kathryn Jean,

I'm sure you have seen my blog, catholicnews.org. Probably you and your compatriots over at National Review probably even talk about it. As you know, I've taught RCIA. I used to be a cantor. I am married to a man who was in seminary for a year (It seemed like a lifetime to him, he says.) I possess a lot of religious knowledge. A lot. So, I wanted to pitch an idea to you. I've been publishing this blog for a couple of days now - and I think I am pretty good at it - and I was wondering if you would talk to some of the head honchos and big wigs over at NRO and see if they would hire me as one of the "Corner" people. I could cover things from a religious perspective. With technology the way it is now, I wouldn't even have to relocate. I could do it from my house.

If, for some reason, I am overqualified or there are too many "Corner" people, I plan on writing Andrew Sullivan. I wrote him an email once, and he wrote back. He's over there by himself, so I am sure he would like a correspondent.

Thanks and God bless,
Maureen Martin

Omigosh! The Blogosphere is on Fire Today

Once again, the planet is in utter turmoil, and brave bloggers like me are the only ones who have the power and guts and strength of character to expose the truth. Whether it is news about another Republican turncoat or the latest on the toilet flush heard round the world, consult those of us who live, work and breathe the unadulterated air of the blogosphere.

Hat tip, Bungalow Fungus.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Welcome New Readers!

For those of you who have hit "next blog" on the right-hand corner of the blogger page and are now reading my blog: Welcome! This blog is for you. Now that I have welcomed you, let me tell you that since I am a blogger, you must never disagree with me. Enjoy!

Read My New Book: Unlocking the Key to St. Thomas Aquinas' Mind

Theologians throughout the centuries have tried to explain St. Thomas Aquinas' thoughts, teachings, and theories. They've all missed the mark until now. In this easy to read book (65 pp.), I unlock the keys to Thomistic thought and explain it thoroughly and succintly. Remember, I am a Catholic convert from Protestanism and I taught RCIA for several years, so I know Catholic teaching. Plus, I have a blog, and that means something.

An Open Letter to Maureen Dowd

Dear Ms. Dowd,

You may have heard of me. Perhaps you have read my weekly religion column in The News Hound. Well, if you haven't (the paper is still growing), let me tell you who I am. I am Maureen Martin, a Catholic. I have taught RCIA, I've been a Cantor, and my husband was in seminary for one year. I have two degrees. Yes, two. So, I know a thing or two about the Catholic Church.

I think it is time for me to confront you woman to woman.

I know you are a big-time columnist and all, but sometimes you get your facts wrong about the Church. People listen to you because you are famous. If you don't know something about the Church, perhaps you should pick up a copy of one of my books or read my blog. You need to be informed. It just makes me so mad that you have a column and a large readership and those of us who are slaving away, sharing the truth are just ignored.

Sometimes when you are a Christian, you have to play tough. I am ready to fight you. I hate you. I hate you! I would like to just grab you by the hair and pull you to the ground. That's how much I love God and the Church.

Stop writing your tripe now!

God bless, Maureen Martin

P.S. I'm not jealous of you!

My Favorite Books

Here are my favorite books on Catholicism. They are all written by me, a former cantor who has two bachelor's degrees, or my husband, who has also taught RCIA. Now, my husband is even smarter than me, because he has a Master's Degree and he was in seminary for a year. Yeah. There is a lot of Catholic brainpower on this list.

1) Maureen Dowd, In All Christian Charity, I Hate Your Guts by Maureen Martin
2) Blogging: When Your God-Given Vocation Just Isn't Enough by Maureen Martin
3) How to Be an Obnoxious Catholic Power Couple by Maureen Martin and Thomas Martin
4) How to Market Your Conversion to Catholicism by Thomas Martin
5) Protestants Suck, and Other Bedtime Stories by Maureen Martin
6) What Teaching RCIA Taught Us About the Gospels by Thomas Martin and Maureen Martin
7) Blog It! Turn Your Blog Into a Turn-Key Business by Thomas Martin
8) Understanding the Bible, Finally by Maureen Martin
9) My Take on the New Testament by Maureen Martin
10) Kid's Rock: A Child's Intro to Catholicism by Maureen Martin
11) Benedict XVI: The Pop-Up Book, A Treasury for Children by Maureen Martin

Which of these books is your favorite and why?

Welcome to My Blog!

Well, I've taught Catholic school. I've taught RCIA. I've been a cantor and written several books on Catholicism. So, now I am taking a big leap and starting my own blog. You know, I know we've had a lot of great thinkers in the Church: St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Thomas More. But, I just thought with my years of Church worker experience, that I should 1) write books and 2) start a blog so that I could continue the great work they and other great thinkers in our Church have started.

Plus, I will link to various news sites and blogs and tell you what I think. If you don't agree with me (or if I have just have bad PMS), I may be really snippy to you. If you argue with me, one of my sychophants (retirees, people who goof off on the job and read blogs) will probably jump you. Right now, I am trying to enlist a well-known Catholic convert blogger/apologist to regularly post to my blog. I think it adds a little flavor. If you are a well-known Catholic convert blogger/apologist, please contact me at maureenscoolblog@yahoo.com.

Striving to be a Higher Being