Saturday, May 28, 2005

The Onion Lied.* People Will Probably Get Sick Now.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comWell, the evil MSM (mainstream media for those of you new to the Blogosphere) has done it again. A columnist for The Onion has erroneously reported that milk is only bad when he says so. When he says so? Can you believe this? Apparently, at Daniel Gordon's house milk expiration dates mean nothing, and he is trying to convince the rest of us of this of it.

Gordon opines as he recounts a conversation with his own

Let me see that.
Look, the expiration date is only six days ago. What could possibly go wrong in
six days? That's not even a week. Besides, you had this with your cereal
Saturday morning, and you're perfectly fine. As I remember, you had seconds.
Now you listen to me, young lady. That milk is not yellow—it's off-white.
What difference does the color make, anyway? It's not like you have eyes on the
inside of your mouth. What? Let me see. I don't smell anything. Besides, if you
drink it, you won't have to smell it anymore.
Why? Because I

I guess if the MSM tells us 2+2=5 we will be expected to gulp down that truth, too.

Now countless milk drinkers will probably just drink bad milk and get sick because of Gordon's irresponsible lies. Yes, lies. And you know what? We're going to have a bunch of barfing people on our hands, and the blame lies squarely with The Onion and Daniel Gordon. You know how zealous milk-drinkers can be. When they read this, they will be compelled to hang on to that carton of chunky milk just one-week longer. They can't be expected to know right from wrong. If they do something wrong, it is The Onion's fault, clearly.

Who is this guy's source anyway? I don't care what journalists say about protecting their sources; this cad needs to be outed.

Flush your copies of The Onion down the toilet, folks. Don't believe their lies.

* I forgot what the asterisk is for.

Striving to be a Higher Being