Thursday, October 27, 2005

News Briefs

Local Woman Reflects on 'the Movement'

SEATTLE -- Since she was only 9 at the time, Tatem Murphy had no idea her "extracurricular activity" would be viewed as a major stand against injustice, cruelty and hatred when she became the country's first female altar server.

"Um, at the time, I didn't think it was that big a deal," said Murphy. "I just wanted to do it because my brother dared me, but after that first mass, a couple of nuns came up to me and gave me high-fives, and yelled 'Girl Power.' When the DRE came up to me later and said I might have a vocation to the priesthood, my mom and I decided the whole thing wasn't for me, and I should take ballet. It was too weird."

Woman Accomplishes Much During Mass

BIRMINGHAM, ALA. -- In the time it took the priest at St. Andrew's Catholic Church to consecrate the bread and the wine, Marie Talbot balanced her checkbook, wrote out her schedule for the day, made plans with her husband for lunch via cell phone at the Panda, a local Chinese restaurant, and still had time to catch a couple of laughs as her son tried unsuccessfully to stuff cheerios up his nose.

"I can't believe how much I got accomplished today," Talbot said on her way out the door. "And I caught my cellphone on the second ring. I must be right with God or something."

Another Surprise on the Way for TomKat

HOLLYWOOD -- After days of speculation, it has been confirmed that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have chosen Francis the First as their silverware pattern.

"We're beaming," Holmes purportedly told Judy Lloyd, owner of Lloyd's Fine China, Silver and Crystal in Santa Monica. "Francis the First is so beautiful. Some silver patterns have flowers on them, and some silver patterns have fruit on them, but Francis the First has fruit and flowers. The fruit and flowers together make it so wonderful. It's a dream come true. We're ecstatic!"

Network and cable news shows, which were reporting the burning of a large village in Darfur, Sudan, interupted programming to cover the Francis the First announcement.

Striving to be a Higher Being