Bush Adminstration Wiretapped Catholic Masses without Warrants
"Peace Be with You" Exchanges Viewed as "Troubling"
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President George W. Bush today admitted to circumventing the FISA (Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act) court in order to wiretap Catholic Churches, listen in on masses, and "smoke out" terrorists who might harm American interests.
"Yes, I had Catholic Churches wiretapped without warrants, and as Commander-in-Chief, I will continue to do so," said Bush. "It's wartime, and I'm not going to waste any time reviewing the Constitution about this."
Administration officials speaking on condition of anonymity said the White House found the "Peace be with you"exchanges between priests and congregation particularly troubling. "Peace be with you, and also with you? Yeah, we're obviously dealing with a bunch of radicals here, people who are against the war. What's next? A kneel-in, er, sit in?" asked the official.
Officials also stated that emphasis on certain Biblical passages show a lack of patriotism on the part of Catholics.
"During wartime, we really don't need to hear about Jesus fussing at Peter after he cut the soldier's ear off," said one official. "We also don't need to hear about all that turning the other cheek mess, either. What we need to hear -- and what the American public needs to hear during wartime -- is more about Jesus dividing households and such. You know, the eye for eye, tooth for a tooth passages."
President Bush added that he doesn't believe the wiretapping is curtailing freedom of speech or freedom of religion rights. "I don't pay any attention to polls, but believe me, this is what the people want," said Bush.