Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Mayor Ray Nagin Gives Up New Orleans for Lent

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New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin Announces His Lent Plans to a Drunken Crowd.

NEW ORLEANS -- While Christians across the world give up chocolate, alcohol and coffee for Lent, Mayor Ray Nagin of New Orleans announced today he made the painful decision to give up the entire City of New Orleans for 40 days or so.

"I love New Orleans and I love thinking about this city," said Nagin. "So, as an act of penance, for the next 40 days, I am going to take my family back to our other home in Dallas, and not think about New Orleans at all. It will be painful. This will be a lot like the act of penance I performed last year during Hurricane Katrina."

As part of his Lenten fast, Nagin said he will not do any economic development brainstorming, or meet with governmental or business officials. After a day of participating in Fat Tuesday parades, his last order of business Tuesday night was making copies of his business plan, "The Chocolate Milk Analogy," at a 24-hour Kinko's on Canal Street.

"The Chocolate Milk Analogy," a five-page document, details Nagin's childhood love of chocolate milk, and how, despite what he said to the media in the past, the milk really is just as important as the chocolate in making both a good beverage and an exciting coastal city. In the meantime, Nagin said he has set up a suggestions box outside his office so the few remaining New Orleans residents can submit ideas for economic development.

"I want to remind everyone before I leave that I am the only elected official who has a plan for this city," he said. "Just remember that, and remind me when I come back."

Gov. Kathleen Blanco in a news release stated that she is so impressed by Nagin's Lenten sacrifice she has decided to give up the entire state of Louisiana. "One of the most meaningful things in my life is to be able to empathize with the citizens of Louisiana. I cried on television during the hurricanes, I continue to show concern about the UAE port deal, and yesterday I lashed out at the government for wanting to disband the 256th Infantry Brigade," said Blanco. "I think one of the most selfless acts of penance I can do this year is to emotionally detach from this state and its problems, and perhaps do something. I hope you'll join me."

Nagin said he appreciated Blanco's support finally, and added that despite running out of ideas, he believes he can win the mayoral election in April. "If I do win, don't worry, I can effectively govern from my home in Dallas, just like I did last year."


Striving to be a Higher Being